2013 Ford Mustang V6
A rolling semiotics lesson: the Mustang is entrenched in American culture to such an extent that criticism of the car equates to criticism of the country of its birth. We need to come to terms with the way language shapes our thoughts before we can go back to the HUDDLE HOUSE and get serviced by CLAUS. Nnngggghhhh .....LIPS Transcript Auh, I need a drink. It was inevitable. I avoided this national transcendental signifier for long enough. --- INTRO SONG by THE ROMAN Another Regular Car Review for y'all~ --- MONOLOGUE by MR REGULAR Contrasting feelings rise in me. Y'know, I've never driven a Mustang before. Weird, right? I'm an American and I've never driven the people's sportscar. I hold the Mustang as more symbolic of the United States than the Chevrolet Corvette is because the price gap. The Mustang is just plain ol' cheaper. But I'm an American. I'm expected to like Mustangs. People- you're supposed to like these things. Non position isn't welcome in car circles. You have to pick a side. You have to pick a team. C'mon, pick any team, you have to have an opinion! The bilateral symmetry of our bodies is an outward manifestation of our inborn dualistic interpretation of signifiers. “Hey partner, either you're for us or against us.” And when you go up against that kind of logic, we're no longer talking about a vehicle. Or maybe... maybe we are. Maybe we were on this linguistic path all along. 2013 Ford Mustang: an argument on wheels. The word Mustang is a signifier. Look, when you say “Mustang” you're just applying force to air molecules in your throat via your vocal cords. These vibrations travel up into your mouth where they are adjusted into phonemes by your tongue, teeth and lips. lips Out of your orifice comes two syllables: “musssss” “taaaang”. That's the word. That's the signifier. It has no weight on its own – it's just a sound. But whup, uh uh uh oh, here comes the other part. Here comes the meaty SIGNIFIED. Those are the thoughts that accompany the signifier. (Caption: In other words, the signified are hidden meanings.) And from here start all my troubles. The signified are all the mental images that are pasted to the signifier sound of “Mustang.” The signified are: Horses. Cowboys. The frontier. One of these. (A pistol.) Authority. Soldiers. Stripes. Stars. Strength. Daddy. Father figures. Christianity. Winning. Muscles. Marines! Prayer! Family! Weight room! Football! I go to war with the brothers I trust and ahdrr- When you say “Mustang” you bring all of that along for the ride. That is why criticizing the Ford Mustang is so risky. It's not so much a car as much as a sign. The combination of the signified and the signifier. It's a symbol of America. Semiotics dicates that if you rip on the 'Stang you're also disrespecting 'Murica. So, let's do it! This hood bulge is making promises that the 3.7-liter Duratec can never fulfill. Yeaaah the 3.7-liter makes 305 horsepower but it feels like 150 horsepower. Revs will rise but not without protest. Like an ISS (Caption: In School Suspension) All Star inventing reasons why they don't have to do their reading assignment worksheets. Y- I know, if the Duratec V6 were to go back in time it would devastate all the V8s during the early Fox body era. The steering feel can be changed from Windstar minivan to new Windstar minivan. The brow of this car is more frowny than Marv from Sin City. Alright, a hundred and sixty miles per hour... You could at least spread probable lies. Oh. Oh, seven grand? O-okay, that's cool. Female vibrators. This Mustang was a rental car. How do I know? This (No Smoking sticker) and all this. (Scratch marks around the ignition.) The tires say Green X. See, I don't wanna like Ford Mustangs because every cool second-stringer Stalker Bossgob Sidelot and their Fox body is looking for obtainable victories. Then there were the newly-divorced dads and their third-hand Cobras from 1997. With the rag top down they grew their Van Dykes and smoke their Jack cigarettes trying to inhale their Metallica youth. Mustangs share the same superpowers as Harley-Davidson and Captain America. They were frozen in time decades ago and resuscitated as living anachronisms. Look, I can fire all the cynical bullets I want at this legendary shape which hides all the grand internals because nothing bad will happen. The Mustang won't die. This shape won't die because if V for Vendetta taught me anything, ideas are bulletproof. The Ford Mustang will go on and on and on. Nothin'll kill it. Nothing I say can stop it. It means so much more than what's inside. V6, V8, that weird 4-cylinder we're gonna see? Who cares. It's a Mustang. It's an idea. It's an idealized version of America. Good or bad, it carries weight. And it will continue. So for that, I respect it. --- OUTRO SONG by MR REGULAR This is every Mustang owner at a car show: Dingadingadingadinga dingadingadingadinga dingadingadingadinga dingadinga Well me and my baby went out on Saturday night (adingadingadinga dingadingadingadinga) This bald spot on my head is startin' to show A full Metamucil and I'm ready to go Well-a me and my baby went out on Saturday night (adingadingadingadingadingadinga) --- (center console open) Category:YouTube Partner Category:Reviews